I wrote this about two weeks ago as we were driving in the car on a family vacation. The boys were watching movies in the back and Mr Napping had his earbuds in, so it was a relatively quiet moment. This letter is for me. It’s not a fancy recipe or an easy tutorial. You won’t read it and think “wish I could mom it up like her. She’s got parenting figured out.” Because I don’t. Not even close. I didn’t get it ready to post like I wanted when I wanted to post it, so I wasn’t going to. You’re not missing out on much. But then I got the group invite on Facebook today for my 10 year High School Reunion and started feeling old (and maybe a little unaccomplished in life) again.
So, I decided to post it anyway. Maybe I can grab a little moment in time and freeze things for just a few seconds. I was talking to a friend the other day about how we don’t really remember the little things about our babies. The little sounds, the tiny fingers, the details. Hopefully, with this, I can take some of the details and remind myself of them in the future. When I’m senile and I’ve forgotten everything, you know. So, read on if you wish. You won’t hurt my feelings if you don’t. This post is for me.
Dear 30-year-old Me,
Tomorrow you turn 27… when did we get so old? Anyway, I write this hoping that, when you look back in three years, you’ll be able to see growth and accomplishment. And maybe a few places you can set new goals and continue growing or make corrections, if necessary.
Right now, you’ve got three kids (all boys, you know), ranging in age from 4 months to almost 5 years. Little N hit 4 months just today and he is growing so fast. His gummy smiles and more frequent giggles brighten every day. His gray-blue eyes twinkle like his daddy’s and I can already tell he will love mischief and adventure – just like his big brothers, whom he adores by the way. He is such a good baby, sleeping 5-6 hours at night and so happy all day. He puts himself to sleep and even spits out his pacifier before he drifts off.
Little J is talking up a storm. By far, my favorite is when he says, “luh loo, mommy.” He is such a tease and loves to laugh. He still climbs as high as his nerves of steel let him (which is TOO high). His laugh is infectious and sometimes I just have to tickle him so I get to hear it. I hope I never forget what it sounds like. He bounces back and forth between wanting to be a big boy and do everything himself and hanging on to his babyhood just a little longer. A common phrase right now is “I did it!” I hope he will be able to keep saying that for many more years.
Big J will be starting kindergarten next month and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Some days, I can’t wait to get him back into a routine with other authority figures and more responsibility. He grows so much more when there’s a high level of consistency, which with two other needy kids is sometimes hard to provide. But, my baby is growing up and I’m not ready for that. I’m not ready for peer pressure, mean kids, homework, and vacations only during school breaks. I’m not ready to let my chubby little blue-eyed baby turn into a boy. Once he starts this new growth spurt, it’s not going to stop. And I don’t want to miss anything. I want to keep him snuggled on my lap where I know he’s safe. He doesn’t always like me, but I have learned to handle his little boy tantrums. I’m not sure I can handle any teenage angst.
So, Momma, I hope you enjoy these next three years. I hope you remember that by the time you read this, that little kindergartner will be almost eight! Don’t miss the next three years buried under piles of laundry, mountains of dishes and the pressure to write more blog posts or increase your social media presence. These three little boys are the ones that need your presence. They are your biggest fans and followers. They are the only three numbers that matter. I promise.
Momma, don’t forget to keep your marriage burning. In three years, you’ll have been married for the last 9.5 years (hopefully!). Remember why you fell for that tall, blue-eyed guy with the dark hair in the first place. Support him and his endeavors and give him reminders of why he is so awesome. Give him time to develop his relationships with the boys (and get yourself a little break). Love him the best you can and never miss a chance to let him know just how much you do.
One more thing, Momma. Don’t give up on yourself. Wife and mother are very important roles, but don’t lose yourself completely. There will be days, I daresay, that you’ll dislike or even hate that these roles take so much time, energy and work. The days you climb into bed frazzled, exhausted and dreading sunrise or the next middle-of-the-night feeding session with the baby are the moments to remember that you’re not alone. It’s okay to ask for help. You can still be supermom, even if you don’t do everything yourself.
Take time for your interests and hobbies. Work them in when you can. Get the family involved. The day will come when you can bake, sew, photograph and blog without interruptions every five minutes. While you may not miss those interruptions, you will miss your babies. So, make your hobbies happen, but don’t sacrifice the kids. Stay in the moment. Be there. Listen and play, read stories, paint pictures. Cook and sew with them. Teach them. Love them.
Momma, do your best and never give up. You are awesome. You may not change the world, but contributing three respectful, kind and generous boys to it is no small feat. Good luck! Always remember, tomorrow is another day. Enjoy them as they come, even if sometimes that simply means surviving. You got this. Happy birthday.
Love,
Me
Me
